At the beginning of this month I had a heart to heart with myself and I was flooded with all of the emotions. Then, I put myself together and wrote in my journal. It is in my journal where I am able to process what I am feeling and then can read it to discover what I am experiencing. Once I had an idea what was going on, I shared the following on my personal Facebook:
okay, I need a moment of honesty. It is so very important for me to be transparent in my journey. This weeks, #Next90Days theme is Momentum and it spoke to me in ways that I had no idea it would. I am actually quite surprised at the ideas that it moved within me. I was reminded that I once had momentum and consistency in my life. After Lily was born, I found my love as a writer. I had a successful blog ( Soccer Mom & Giggle Town) and online weekly column (Gig Harbor Stay at Home Mom Examiner). I loved being a stay at home mom and sharing the struggles and strengths with my readers and learning from the journey.
For various reasons, I lost my consistency and my momentum disappeared. I battled with my emotional/ mental health and moved here to Idaho. Immediately, I tried to replicate what I had before and failed. Looking back, I see that was needed so I could step up and live my life long dream of becoming a teacher. Through the journey of college and my first year of teaching, I made several attempts at writing through this experience. Never having what once was. I never really felt like writing what I set out to write like I did before. I wrote about school and what I did in life, because that’s what I did before. Although, I gained readership and a presence on social media … I just wasn’t satisfied.
Over the last few months at home, I have had a lot of time to find out who I am as a person in this new season of my life. I have reflected upon what I enjoy and what I do not enjoy. And when I did, I became ecstatic about what I revealed! I could not wait to start … the momentum came back. So I prayed, created a plan, wrote out my goals, and began working on a consistent routine to meet them. I truly feel like this I the beginning of something that I am suppose to do. It feels right in every crevice of my body.
I have shared very little here with you on all of these changes, because I was embarrassed that I gave up on what I started, (again). I shut down Read Write Sparkle Coffee with no notice at all. I found a way to gain access to this site, CoffeeGirl.blog and merged Simple & Scrumptious in the Kitchen without mention. Why? Because I just knew that you all have seen me create something and start something new … only to leave it or change it. I created a FB page and chose not to share it with anyone I knew. Because, I didn’t want you to think less of me.
Sounds silly doesn’t.
Over the last few weeks, I have been building a site and a social media presence of where I want to be and has the ability to withstand the goals of an educator, writer, and speaker that I have shared with you … in the direction that I am headed. I am writing all of this, because it is important for me to include you all in this adventure. Family, friends, acquaintances, mentors, professors, childhood peeps, coworkers, fellow bloggers ….
I am happy to report that this honesty was accepted by my Facebook connections and they accepted invitations to join me on this new journey. But at the back of mind, I fear that one day this will be another thing that I quit. Have you been there?
I have been reading books to help me (Girl, Wash Your Face & Girl, Stop Apologizing), writing in my Start Today Journal and Priority Planner daily. In fact.. I am celebrating my 30 days in my Start Today Journal today!
Knowing I could not do this alone and cannot depend on my own devices, I turned to prayer and devotion. Here enters in my next 7 week reading journey – A Woman Who Doesn’t Quit: 5 Habits from the Book of Ruth by Nicki Koziarz. A book that I came across late last week. As I read the introduction, I just knew it was exactly what my soul needed for this season of my life.
“Perseverance is one of the greatest skills but one of the hardest lessons we will learn in our lifetime.” – @NickiKoziarz @c0fegrl #5HabitsBookTweet
In the coming weeks expect to see a book review and motivations quotes inspired by this book study. Until next time – a latte of blessings & sparkles,